Radiant angel you were my life
by Sev-chan
Summary: Can you remember a time when you were carefree or even happy. A time where nothing seems to matter except you & the person you once loved? Unexpected turns, bizzare twists. Could you handle being without that person after all that? Or even with another?
1. Comfortable

Disclaimer: Don't own, Don't sue, Don't flame!  
  
Warning: Shonen-ai, I think. Could be something other I don't know. Basically my usual, something along those lines.  
  
Note: Trowa's point of view.  
  
Comfortable  
  
I hate grocery shopping, and no not because of the unusually long lines and annoyingly loud beeping the scanner makes as it checks the price for every thing placed on the counter. But because it reminds me of him, Duo. We use to spend so much of our time together, always making idle chatter just to hear each others voices longer, and hold one another till morning. Now all the things great in my life no longer exist, unforgettable so desirable and unattainable anymore by me. My light, my mate, my love, and my life were him.  
  
I wonder what he's doing right now, as I walk slowly down the aisles of the store gathering food for a usually empty fridge. I remember when we use to do this together, make trips to the grocery store; the one memory that stands out most in my mind is when he had snuck up behind me, this was about a year or so ago, and jumped in my shopping-cart and rolled down the aisles at a reckless speed, well as reckless as you can in a crowded store. He turned his head and smiled back at me, sadly due to lack of awareness, we crashed into a rack of magazines and we were asked to leave shortly after, I felt so embarrassed, but I was happy then.  
  
Although at this moment I can't seem to remember what went wrong in our relationship last September, but I'm sure if I asked him he'd remind me. I really wish I could hear his voice right now, I wouldn't care what the circumstances were I just want to be near him now. Our love was so flawless, composed, and so memorable.  
  
Times change though and even though I'm supposed to have moved on I still think about him, and I know it can't be a good thing considering that I'm with this new girl from my work. My friends all approve and say that she's probably the best thing for me at the moment, it upset me that they were congratulating my getting over him so, I don't want to be. I was so mad that no one had a problem with her or that no one thought that I should work things out with Duo and try to get back together with him.  
  
In my opinion she's too much into religion and this comment of mine was spawned from the fact that she said the Bible was all that she reads. She acts like such a saint and hates it when I use swear words, but I'm not about to change for her sake. Duo never had a problem with my coarse language, in fact he was just as bad, our love was better than this.  
  
Whenever she and I go somewhere everyone is always crowding around us like the place wasn't as great before she got there. I can't even take her to the art museums without her making some kind of comment, she swears that she knows art; but the difference between her and Duo is that Duo could tell the distinction between artists, and she can't. She's so perfect, so flawless, or so they say.  
  
She thinks that I can't see through her smile or false façade of perfection that she puts up. Or poses for pictures that people take of her when they think she isn't looking or notices. She's nothing like Duo, I loved him. His hair in a braid, wearing gray sweat pants, and obviously no make-up of any kind, he was, is perfect. I want him back, Duo come back to me.  
  
But no matter how hard I wish, he isn't going to hear it. And God wont listen to my pleas anymore. Sometimes I remember waking up to an empty space beside me and then I would realize his shape was still matted to the bed. I'd find myself curling next to it and start sniffing, his scent still lingered on the bed-sheets, nearly gone.  
  
I miss that so much, I miss him, his warm touch, the sweet taste of his skin, and even his breathing it was so calming. It makes me want to cry knowing that he's not mine to fantasize about anymore, I'm no longer allowed to. But knowing I let him get away and now I'm with someone else and miserable reminds me that I made the wrong decision, I always do. It makes me wish I could rewind time or at least erase moments in the present so that he could still be mine again. I keep trying to figure out why we broke up, but for some reason the answer never comes to me. All I know is that it was all my fault.  
  
On my way home all I could think of was Duo, I don't even remember paying for any of the things I'm carrying let alone leaving the supermarket. I unlocked the door and as I closed it behind me I heard my answering machine beeping wildly for my attention. Placing the groceries down on the kitchen counter I walked over to the little beeping bastard and noticed it said I had twenty-one messages on it. I only needed one guess to figure out who it was, her. I delete them all without listening, some people may consider that heartless, but what do they know- they're not me.  
  
I grabbed a can of warm Pepsi and walked into my office, the blinds were closed yet light still poured into the dark room. I didn't want to turn on the lights everything else in my life seemed so dull, so dark, so.............so empty. Rain starts to fall, how quaint and so appropriate for this occasion of my self-pertained reminisces of pity and failure.  
  
Suddenly a bright light filled the room just as the sound of a car engine filled my ears. I knew automatically who it was and for some reason I panicked Quickly I ducked onto the floor while taking a long sip from my soda, maybe it was the caffeine. I pulled the chair that I had been sitting in moments ago in to try and make it seem as though I had not been in the room. I could hear her knocking on the front door calling my name.  
  
"Trowa!" I realize how much I really don't like her voice. I start to fiddle with a loose string in the carpet by the chair, and idly wonder if I should re-carpet the whole thing in a different color.  
  
"I'm not here." I whispered to my Pepsi as I took another sip.  
  
"Trowa you have to be here your car is in the driveway!" I regret not parking it in the garage now.  
  
"Thank you Captain Obvious." I mumble taking a long drag from the can and noticed I was starting to run low. Then the front door opened, and I try to squeeze in further into the small area of my desk.  
  
"Trowa sweetheart I know you're here! Come out, come out wherever you are!"  
  
"I forgot I gave her a key! Stupid!" I light banged my head against the back of the desk.  
  
"Here you are, sweetheart what are you doing underneath your desk?" I hate her.  
  
"I need another Pepsi." After explaining why I was under the desk, which everything I told her was a lie, we spent some time watching T.V. then went to bed and as I pulled my arms away from her slumbering form; it was at that point I realized it.  
  
Young love is so stupid, I hate myself more then anything. A technicality , I was so dumb, so stupid, he was my first love. Why'd I have to practice on your heart, Duo?  
  
(That was it, I chose her over you Duo. That's what went wrong.)

* * *

A/N: Well, I think that went pretty well. I'm doing the 2nd chpt right now so I hope it will be done soon. And I realize this was relitivly short, but I like it as is. I've had this on the backburner for quite some time and I never really got the chance to upload it. So finally after about a year I've put it up, SO PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK.  
  
I really would like to know. 


	2. Quite

Note: This one is in Duo's point of view.  
  
Quite  
  
I saw him, mindlessly just tossing cans of various foods into his cart. I've never seen him so lifeless before and somehow he looks much older than his age. All I can do is wonder what he's been through what he's going through at that moment, what thoughts in your mind are plaguing you so Trowa? Who's hurt you?  
  
I wanted more than anything to go to him and wrap my arms around his familiar torso. Sadly to say I followed him around the store for a while, hoping he would see me, run into me something just so that we would come in contact with one another. Than a thought struck me, was he happy now that he had his new girlfriend. Spite hit me like a ton of bricks on fire and I went back to despising him, his smile, his home, his touch, and his girlfriend so perfect in her pale blue skirts. I saw him again, in fact he passed right by me and didn't even notice; the look in his eyes made me want to cry. That was something I could never hate, his eyes they told you everything you needed to know about him, his past, his presnt, his entire life.  
  
His once bright green eyes use to light up a room, now all they seemed to do was flicker between pain and despair. An unexpected pang of regret and guilt overwhelmed me and all I could do was stare at his dull presence and wish I could read his now fragile mind.  
  
Leaving the grocery store gave me some sort of relief I was not expecting to have. Like a huge wieght had be lifted from me. Unbalanced, unstable I wasn't doing so well myself theses days come to think of it. Lately I've felt lost, stuck in the middle of a huge crowd going in so many directions, so many left turns, I get dizzy, frustrated, so helpless in my own mind. When and how did I make it home? I don't remember and blatantly I don't care.  
  
I didn't even realize it had gotten so late it's midnight already, I lock all the doors once I get in all the groceries and put them away. Walking down the hall of my home I start to turn out all the lights and suddenly it feels like the end of the world this Sunday night. After I turned out all the lights I figured I would lay down in my bed for a while and just sleep, but for some reason I can't seem to find the quite inside my mind.  
  
So I let my mind wonder for a while, I figure if I let it run eventually it will run out of thought, but I guess I'm wrong. I couldn't stop thinking about Trowa and how he looked. No, no I needed to get my mind off of him. I look out the window in my living room and realize how quite it is outside, then soon water, drops of rain make their way to the dirty impure floor.  
  
You know, often the lights go out and the city turns a different shade of sad. That dark place in our souls becomes more apparent in our minds and we can't help but cry. But that burden is never lifted, constantly it collects more weight over time, shadowing our souls forever.  
  
Damnit I was still thinking.  
  
I turn to face right on the couch and grab the remote off the arm and promptly turn on the T.V., but I mute it hoping that if I just watched it would help clear my mind. I watched at the lights danced across the screen blue, red, yellow, black, purple, and green..........green.......green..........Trowa. What was I supposed to do, I was at a lose I wanted to talk to him know what was wrong feel his pain, and yet I wonder if he ever felt mine?  
  
Quietly I stared at the phone on my small coffee table slightly hoping it would ring or perhaps that I would pick it up and call him. I was stuck between curiosity and pride I wanted to call him figure out what was wrong, but the other half of me was happy that he was hurting the way he was. I know it's vindictive to think this way, but I can't help it. And for some reason the room in which I sit seems to get smaller, and all of my fears have cornered me here along with my TV screen.  
  
I don't want to face any of this, I know deep down inside me I still love Trowa more then anything in this world even my family. But he hurt me, he left me............I've been so alone since then; no one could replace that chunk he took with him that once had a place in my heart.  
  
I reached for the phone and started to dial his number, it rang and I panicked and hung up before the second ring. I feel so pathetic doing something so childish, so junior high. Reaching for the phone again I dialed the same number as before, it actually surprises me that he never changed it. I hear the answering machine pick up, but for some reason don't hang up. I guess I'm just that desperate to hear his voice.  
  
"Hey this is the Barton residence I'm Trowa, and I'm not home or can't reach the phone at the moment so if you could plea-"  
  
Next think I knew the message was cut off and the real thing answered and still I didn't hang up.  
  
"This is Trowa." Seconds passed and I didn't speak, just listened. "Hello? Is someone there?"  
  
"........." even if I was going to speak I didn't know what to say.  
  
"If someone's there push a button." I did willingly.  
  
"Hm-mm I see, not a talker are we, or at least at the moment." He must have found some comfort in my silence or knew somehow it was me. I mean who else would push a button.  
  
"ssss..." I blew into the phone softly wanting him to quite for a few seconds. And somehow he got my message and for the first few minutes of the night I was at peace with myself.  
  
"I may know you, I may not and in a way I want you to be one single person. The person I dream of constantly, the one."  
  
"I-"he cut me off.  
  
"Please don't speak, I might die if I figure out who you really are or rather are not. So for now just be there." After that neither of us made a sound, just the thought of knowing we were there was enough to make us both feel content.  
  
I don't remember when, but my phone died. It was bound to happen, I could even hear his phone beeping wildly like always. It actually made me smile knowing that he never had gotten rid of the phone I got for him.  
  
Still laying on the couch I looked up at the ceiling maybe hoping to find more consolence. Maybe he didn't want to be with that girl anymore, maybe he realized how perfect we were that we need each other. More wishful thinking, if he wanted me he'd find me, he'd come looking.  
  
How much longer could I delude myself, I don't know? All I know is that I can't take this bleak emptiness anymore, the dark room still seems to be closing in on me and I know I can't take much more of this.  
  
And as if my prayers had been answered dawn was rising bathing the walls with its beautiful warm rays of light. Calming that creature inside me which hadn't seemed to stop chatting since dark had unfurled.  
  
Slowly I walked to my room, and the only sound I could hear were that of my feet lightly tapping he ground beneath me. Now I'm safe, at least by the light of the day, which has taken everything away. I laid down unto my bed and closed my eyes, then I heard my phone ring a little more then reluctant I didn't go to pick it up. I listened as the manufactured voice answered for me.  
  
"Hello, no one is home at the moment please leave a message after the tone."  
  
BEEP  
  
"How befitting that you remain anonymous, and this is.............well this is Trowa we talked or rather I talked. Well I just called because, well actually I'm not sure why I called, but for some reason, I guess there was just something in our silence that seemed so familiar so comfortable that I just felt the sudden urge to call you. Whoever you are. Well............good- bye."  
  
"And for some reason that felt so final." I heard myself whisper.  
  
I need to get away from here,  
  
I need to get my life back,  
  
I need Trowa.  
  
The next day I booked myself a flight as far away from my home as possible. I found myself on a plain. Canada to Cali, I couldn't have asked for anything better than this transaction from my cold past to a warm future. I loaded my luggage and then went and got a quick pick-me-up in the terminal by the time I got back to the plain it was already boarding.  
  
I was the last man in and for some reason I was told I was lucky, still not sure why. I found the only available seat and found that my seat buddy was asleep and had covered himself in his long black coat. I placed my carry on bag in the storage compartment then sat back down and buckled my seatbelt. I nudged my new would-be companion and was shocked beyond belief, words couldn't describe how I felt at this moment.  
  
"Duo? What are you doing here?" I could ask the same question Trowa.  
  
"What are you........"

* * *

A/N: said I would get it up fast, I don't know if this is any good or not but I'm going to finish it in a matter of days.  
  
So feed back would be nice, - , but anywho I hope someone liked it. 


	3. Back to you

Note: Trowa's point of view  
  
Back to you  
  
My first thought was 'Oh my God!' and then my second thought was 'thank you, thank you I get another chance.' And you know, last night I told myself that if I ever saw him again I would tell him I was sorry, that I had made a huge mistake in leaving him for that horrid phony of a woman. But the first intelligent words that pour from my foul mouth are-  
  
"Duo? What are you doing here?" he looks stunned can't say I blame him.  
  
"What are you.........God I must still be in bed. Ok Duo it's time to wake up." I can't help but smile.  
  
"Duo you're awake trust me." I watch as he bites his lower lip as if it would better help him judge the situation.  
  
"So uh...California it's warm huh?"  
  
"I'd hope so or else I brought the wrong kind of clothes." Oh yeah this is leading somewhere. "So......why are you uh.....going to Cali?"  
  
"Me? Oh um.....to relax I had um.....vacation." and then I heard him say under his breath. "And to regain my sanity." I couldn't help but smile at that.  
  
"So...how have you been Duo?" halfway through the question I regretted asking it. Only because I was too afraid he would say that he was seeing someone. That he had finally found someone who could replace.........me.  
  
"Oh I've been great!" that was so fake.  
  
"Really, so what have you done lately?" I saw his face fall for a second.  
  
"Well, I uh.....got promoted. I lost five vanity pounds and gained them right back on Halloween." He smiled so widely so brightly that it was contagious and once again I was smiling. God I hope he doesn't notice.  
  
"That's great and now you get to tell everyone what to do, just what you always wanted. I'm happy for you." I grab the book I had placed beside me before I had fallen asleep earlier.  
  
"Whoa I never figured you'd read those sort of books Tro!" I looked down at my book and then back at him. And realized that he so quickly reverted back to the nick name he'd chosen for me.  
  
"What's wrong with reading romance novels?" I watched as he quickly covered his mouth and turned his head as if that could hide the fact that his body was shaking with silent laugher.  
  
"Tro I'm sorry but if I remember correctly you were into blood, guts, Terminator, and war."  
  
"Well I guess I have Jess to blame for that now don't I?" if I hadn't been staring at him I would have missed the hurt that had passed through his beautiful violet eyes.  
  
"Your girlfriend?"  
  
"Ex."  
  
"Oh......sorry." I could see he was trying to hide a smile.  
  
"Don't be, she was completely wrong for me. It just took me a while to realize that. So uh.......are you seeing anyone right now?" now that was subtle.  
  
"I'm not really in a "relationship" I've just sort of been here and there for a while." He had lifted his left then right hand as if his left was "here" and his right was "there".  
  
"Oh......I don't get it?" suddenly a flight attendant came out and did the ritual showing of how to work the seat belts and all over need to know things. Afterwards I looked back at Duo and he knew I wanted him to elaborate.  
  
"Do you......do you remember Heero?" crap that guy.  
  
"Actually yes, yes I do."  
  
"Well after us, I sort of just wanted company and Heero was there so yeah." He seemed a bit uncomfortable.  
  
"Is something wrong?"  
  
"No, it's just well that's all we seem to do together. It was like some unspoken agreement. You know? Like if I called him and asked him to come over it was implied that I wanted him there so that we could, do stuff. It worked vise-versa as well. I don't know I guess it just sort of rubbed me the wrong way after a while." He had been nibbling at the end of his braid through his small story. It had been hard for me to pay attention because I'd been staring at his lips the entire time.  
  
"Maybe, since you knew there was not very much emotional attached feelings to what was going on you realized that wasn't what you wanted." He still had the end of his braid in his mouth and was now staring directly at me as if it was the first time he had ever saw me and that I for some reason fascinated him.  
  
"I always felt you could see into my soul." He whispered then shook his head as if he had just woken out of a trance.  
  
I continued to look at him for a second. "Duo I..."  
  
"When did you break up with your girlfriend?" I could tell he didn't want to continue on what he had said seconds before.  
  
"Last night actually, why?"  
  
"No reason just wondering. So uh......how did that go?" he finally pulled the end of his braid out of his mouth and was leaning back in his seat a little with his hands placed behind his head.  
  
"Actually I didn't want to see her last night and decided that hiding under my desk was the best answer to my problems. So there I was drinking a Pepsi and hoping that she would go away, then the next thing I know she's in the house. Two minutes later she found me hiding under the desk asked me what I was doing underneath it."  
  
"What was your response?" well at least he seems to be enjoying the story.  
  
"The first thing I said was that I needed another Pepsi, then after that I told her I was afraid of the rain."  
  
"When did you tell her it was over?"  
  
"After I had gotten off the phone." I noticed his face turned white for a brief moment. "Well to elaborate," I paused for a second. "someone had called me late at night and since I couldn't sleep I picked it up and on like the first ring. Anyways after like hours of not saying anything, the persons phone died, when I went back to my room she was awake and I knew I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with her, let alone the rest of the night. So I told her I wanted her to take all of her things and give me back the keys I had given her and to get out of my house."  
  
"How'd she react?!" said Duo trying not to laugh.  
  
"Well she actually made quite the scene for it being in the a.m. She had the neighbors staring out their windows and also opening them just to hear what we were saying."  
  
"Oh my God what kind of things did she say."  
  
"Lets see before she called me a fag, or after she tried to hit me with her BMW?"  
  
"I guess she's not as perfect as she seemed." I watched as Duo fiddled with tray rack in front of him.  
  
"She never was perfect Duo, .............you were." I whispered looking directly at him. The second the words poured from my lips his head jerked in my direction and now he was staring straight into my eyes, my soul.  
  
"You want a drink? I think I need a drink." Said Duo throwing his hand in the air trying to flag down one of the people with a cart. The guy with the cart came and gave a sickening smile.  
  
"Yes, what would you like?" Duo eyed the cart for a brief moment then-  
  
"I'll take this, this, this, oh and that! Hey Trojan you going to want anything?"  
  
"Good God Duo don't call me that, especially not in public. And I'll take two of those and one of those." Duo grabbed basically every drink he could get his hands on and I wondered if we were even allowed to.  
  
By the end of the trip we were both not as sober as we had started it off. Duo had started snoring mere minutes after he fell asleep, I just sat there and stared at his face. He was just as beautiful as I remembered, a little worn if you know what I mean, and yet that didn't seem to mare the gorgeous portrait that was him.  
  
But Duo it always came around, back to you. Just the way you moved me, maybe I should have treated you better or smiled in that picture we took at my work, if I had known it was the last one we'd have taken. I was arrogant, stuck in my ways maybe this needed to happen, maybe I needed Jess to make me realize I was like her. It scared me, I hadn't realized before I wasn't as strong I thought I used to be. Back to me, I know that it comes back to me, I spent most of my nights trying to see if any of my clothes still smelled like you, I slept within my bed, with your silhouette. God I probably sound so pathetic! Gently I pushed back a strand of his chestnut colored hair, his mouth gently twitched at my touch and I wished to any God listening, to please.........please let this be real.  
  
"Please sit upright in your chairs and make sure that your seat belts are fastened securely as we will be land quite shortly thank you and I hope you had a pleasant flight! Except for that man in the Navy Blue shirt who grabbed my ass earlier!!" the fight attendant glared at Duo who promptly sunk in his seat. Either way it was his fault for getting smashed on a plane.  
  
"Is she allowed to say ass?" asked Duo as he buckled his seat belt and sat up properly.  
  
"Right now..............anything's possible Duo." I whispered to him. He smiled back at me.  
  
Anything was possible, when you this close to heaven.

* * *

A/N: definitely would have been up earlier, but my screen was not working so I had to go on the master users screen and fix the problem which took me forever. And being gone for most of the week didn't help either. But either way it's up and I pray that in a reasonable amount of time the next will be up!  
  
PS. Thanks to those of you who have reviewed it ment a lot to me! And those of you who haven't. I hope you all like this fic! 


	4. Why Did You Mess With Forever?

Note: Duo's point of view.

Why Did You Mess With Forever?  
  
I really doubt that drinking was the best way to handle my surprise. I didn't know if I should even tell him that the person on the phone was me, come to think of it, it's kind of creepy that we met after that little incident. Maybe it's one of those fate things, like it was meant to be. Or maybe I'm just reading too much into this situation, in fact I should be embracing it with open arms. I just couldn't help it though he was so close I could kiss him and I know he wouldn't care. But I'm just afraid, afraid that he'll leave me again regardless of what he's said or saying.  
  
We both got off the plain and went to go and find our luggage, but low and behold my stuff is not there. So Trowa walked with me to the Lost Luggage department and I walked up to the desk where this girl with two huge curly pig-tails and bright red lipstick was doing her nails.  
  
"What can I help you with sir?" she asked while still focusing on her nails.  
  
"Yes well I can't find my luggage I think it got lost."  
  
"Has your plane landed yet?" I couldn't help but look at her like she was the stupidest person in the world, Trowa found it quite amusing and was now laughing.  
  
"No princess I'm just having an outer body experience, I'm just checking on my luggage!" (1) that got Trowa laughing again, in fact even harder.  
  
"Don't take that tone with me sir!" she glared at me.  
  
"Look just find my luggage!" Trowa ended up leaving the room, find by me the little jerk couldn't stop laughing .  
  
About twenty minutes later I finally got my luggage and on the way to finding a cab we discovered that we were staying at the same hotel, how nice. The driver said it would take about forty-five minutes to there because of the traffic. I fell asleep again I don't think I could take being in Trowa's presence much.  
  
While I was asleep I dreamt about the day we spilt up, it was actually the last thing I wanted to remember at the moment. But maybe it was best for me to remember that event so that I could relive the pain I felt at the moment. The whole thing played like a horrible movie where I could taste, touch, feel, and breathe the moment.  
  
I had just came by to get my things, it didn't feel the same walking in. Like something inside me was twisting and just wouldn't stop moving. He held the door open for me and just kept looking at my face, but I did my crying at home. I was numb from the inside out. I just had to know so I asked-  
  
"Was it worth the price you paid for my never coming back?" He just stared blankly directly at me, but it was like some part of him didn't want me to leave.  
  
"We'll find out?"  
  
"It's such a long time to be unkind, Trowa, and don't think of me as cruel if later you regret your choice and want me back and I say no."  
  
"Duo, one more before you leave................please." it was stupid of him to even say such a thing I'm not as dumb as that. Oh but God I wanted to so bad.  
  
Suddenly I was shaken awake, we had arrived at the hotel and I was more than glad to have gotten there. Trowa kept staring at me like I had something on my face and every time I turned to address him he would quickly just turn his head. We both walked up the man in front of the desk. And he found my room and while I signed for my room he was going to take care of Trowa.  
  
"I'm sorry sir, but I cannot find your reservation it is not in our data base perhaps it was a different hotel."  
  
"Oh you have got to be kidding me. Look at least just try and find my name maybe you mixed it up or something." I watched at Trowa leaned over the counter to try and see into the mans screen as he looked for Trowa's name. I wonder if this is some kind of sick joke God is playing on the both of us.  
  
"Oh here it is sir, but it seems you have booked a room for next year." I really couldn't help but laugh at that. Never has Trowa ever done something so, so, so, well so me. I've done the exact same thing five times already.  
  
"My Trowa planning another trip already!" I said as I grabbed my key and started to walk toward the elevator.  
  
"Duo that's not funny!" I couldn't help it he ran his fingers threw his bangs and there was a light tinge to his tan completion, which added to the overwrought look on his countenance.  
  
"I beg to differ Tro, but you know what I'm going to do you a favor and you can bunk with me tonight. But if you don't behave yourself you're going to end up sleeping on the couch, got it." I said the whole thing in a laughing tone. He just mutely followed me to the elevators.  
  
I had obtained a room on the top floor I always loved heights, Trowa was another story the poor guy was afraid to go near the balcony when I had opened the large framed glass doors.  
  
"I really is a nice room Duo, you even got a king size bed. Still move in your sleep I see." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. Probably another quirk he picked up from his terrible ex.  
  
"Can it Trojan."  
  
"Sorry, forgot you're serious now." I walked over to one of the drawers and started to put my clothes away, but turned my head and watched as he plopped down on the bed. I bit my lower lip, a habit I had required during my small amount of time spent with Heero. Quickly I turned my head back to the drawer and continued to put my clothes away. I sighed, this really wasn't the smartest thing for me to do now was it?  
  
"I think I'm going to go and take a shower and wash the plane smell off of me."  
  
"What plane smell?"  
  
"If I have to explained than we have a problem." And then he closed the bathroom door behind him. Self-consciously I picked up my shirt and sniffed it, and dear lord I wish I hadn't!  
  
"I knew you would do that." he just shook his head and laughed.  
  
"Just hurry up so I can shower." I promptly threw a sock at him.  
  
Later after I had taken my own shower we took a tour of the town, which wasn't that great. We ate dinner at some place I thought was someone's house, I had a stake medium-well, but you don't care now do you. We decided it would be nice to walk the rest of the way home, lord knows what possessed us to think that. So about half way to the hotel we stopped at a bridge and just watched the water pass under it, the rhythmic sounds of water splashing against the shore was so soothing. Five minutes later we picked right back up and started walking, or well Trowa did. I stood at the bridge a few seconds longer just watching Trowa walk. Everything inside me kept telling me to run to him, throw my arms around him tell him nothings wrong, that we could forget everything that happened and just keep going on like nothing went wrong.  
  
"But wrong was what you were, Trowa, when you forgot we were going on." I heard myself whisper.  
  
Quickly I caught up to Trowa and couldn't help but stare at him. I was going to lose I just know it, not that this is a game or anything, but something was going to happen I just knew it.  
  
"Duo you've been awfully quite since we left the restaurant is something wrong?" everything Trowa, everything.  
  
"No."  
  
"Duo I know you and with you nothings ever not wrong, especially when you immediately deny."  
  
"Fine, something's wrong, happy?" I started to walk in front of him and crossed my arms in the process.  
  
"Just as long as you're not in denial. So what's wrong." I turned my head over my shoulder and quickly glanced at him.  
  
"Have you ever felt that life could be so much more better than it is right now?" I kicked a rock on the ground and watched it skid across the pavement. "That one thing, one thing could make someone's life so perfect? A person could be made happy by just one smile, one touch, one breath, or even one kiss?"  
  
"I'm missing something in my life, you are too aren't you?" I simply nodded my head.  
  
"For some time now Tro."  
  
"Hm-mm." He just stuck his hands in his pockets and we continued to walk.  
  
We got home around midnight, and while Trowa brushed his teeth I got changed. When I got into the bathroom I brushed my teeth and washed my face. I stared at my reflection for lord knows how long and tried to find every imperfection. Trying to find different reasons why Trowa would have ever wanted to leave me, but all I could find was me.  
  
When I walked back into the room Trowa was already laying down in the bed and facing the window. I walked over to my side of the bed and laid down, I stared at his back for about fifteen minutes then let my mind wonder. After about an hour of listening to my thoughts I wanted to smack Trowa for being such a huge idiot.  
  
All I could hear was your voice asking that one stupid question- "Duo, one more before you leave................please."  
  
Trowa, you asked to kiss me once goodbye, but you already did, on somebody else's lips.

* * *

A/N: So how was that? Hope it was worth the wait.  
  
One: Have you ever watched the Blue Collar ((is that right?) Comedy Tour? That is too funny! If you haven't watched it yet you should.


	5. Tracing

Notes: (Trowa's point of view)

Tracing

The dark just before dawn is where I found myself awake still in bed. Shifting slightly I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and turned to see if Duo was still sleeping and if he was I could visit heaven a bit longer. I was surprised to find that he was not beside me then I heard the sound of water running, which meant that for some reason he was already awake and was in the shower. I got out of the bed and walked over to the curtains with my eyes closed and shut them, I can't remember when but I've been afraid of heights for some time now. Soon as I got the curtains closed I walk over to the dresser and opened the top drawer. For a few seconds I blinked, this isn't my drawer, this was Duo's. Out of curiosity I start to dig threw his clothes and then my hand hit something hard and leathery.

Why's Duo doing carrying a photo album with him? I walk back over to the bed and sit down and open the photo album. The first picture I see is one of Duo done in black and white. He's staring at something I can not see and whatever it is, it's making him sad and he's tucking some strands of hair back with his right hand.

I turn the page and it's covered with pictures of me. There are shots of me sleeping on the floor with the cat that ran away surrounded by pillows and a green blanket, which seems to have fallen off me and the cat. There's another shot of me wearing navy blue shorts with yellow stripes going down the side and a gray shirt with a truck on the front; I've got a beer in one hand and I'm trying to light a fire-work with a match. It's also the picture where you can see Wufei lighting a fire cracker near my sandal covered foot.

On the other side, it's filled with pictures of me and Duo. There's one where he's got his right arm around me we're at the fair and somehow, which I'm still trying to figure out, he's got me wearing a pink shirt. You can see Wufei and Quatre in the back-round, Wufei just won Quatre a huge purple gator, Heero, someone from Duo's work, took the picture. Just below that picture is one Quatre took without me and Duo knowing, we're in Wufei's backyard in a tree Duo's got his hand up my shirt and we're kissing. I really should have taken that camera away from him. There is a row of pictures underneath that one. The back-rounds are just a red and blue curtain that they usually have in the photo booths at the fair. We look like such idiots in every single shot, but we were happy.

The bathroom door opened and Duo caught me red handed with his photo album. He just looked at me for a moment and then glanced at his drawer then bit his lower lip and I flipped the page.

"Did you ever get the feeling that we started in the middle or have you ever had the sense that we were lying just a little? I mean come on; it's not like we knew ourselves that long." I fingered the picture of me and Duo smiling at the beach and than looked up at him.

"Trowa?" he must think I'm some kind of psycho.

"You know, I found I never learned your number I only stored it in my phone. You'd think by now I'd know the shape of calling home. I'm sorry you probably don't want to hear any of my babble do you?"

"Trowa there's not point in dwelling in the past and another thing don't go threw my drawer again or I'll kill ya." he walked the shot distance to the bed and sat next to me and grabbed the left side of the photo album.

"Do you honestly think we've grown much since we last saw each other?" asked Duo as he pulled out a photo of Heero and him, I hadn't realized how close they probably got with each other.

"You two really did spend some time together I don't even remember being there for that picture."

"That's because you weren't. Heero and I took a private trip to LA for the weekend it was a blast, but it didn't seem right to me."

"I can't say really blame you, but don't you know I'm ok if your ok with wasting time." Duo leaned against me and put the picture he was holding down on photo album.

"Together?" he asked tracing his fingers over the clear plastic of the photo book.

"Yeah together." I want to be able to create new memories with him even if it is for right now. I want to erase Heero from his life I never did like the guy, but then again I always knew that he wanted Duo in that sense.

"So what do you think we should do today? Take the rental car for a few hours drive to the nearest beach?" he sat up and arched his eyebrows and moved them up in down for a few seconds.

"The beach sounds nice." I said as I got up and went to get my clothes.

"Damn straight!"

"I think all that snow and rain is starting to get to your brain." I grabbed my favorite shirt and some shorts and turned to face Duo.

"If you ask me it's all this sun! Maybe I should consider moving here, what ya think?"

"By yourself?" Dou never liked to be alone that was probably just a product of my leaving him. I'd probably like to be by myself too after all that.

"Yeah, why not?" he lay back on the bed and put his hands under his head and tried to look in my direction.

"No reason just wondering." I walked over to the bathroom and looked at him for a second.

"Hey who knows maybe I can get you to wear pink again." I promptly threw a pillow at him.

"I really don't think so."

I got showered and took longer than I normally do just because I didn't want to go outside and share Duo with the world. I was about to leave the bathroom when I slipped on my own clothes that I left on the floor.

"Trowa you ok?" I heard Duo ask from behind the door.

"Oh yeah perfectly fine, I just fell on the floor that's all!" I sat up and Duo opened the door and saw me sitting on the floor rubbing the back of my head.

"I told you! I told you!" said Duo laughing while he leaned against the door.

"Told me what?!" I growled and he somehow managed to help me up while still laughing.

"Remember when I told a long time ago that if you don't clean up after yourself that your messiness was gonna end up killing you." we walked back into the room.

"I'm not dead Duo."

"Thank God." he said while grabbing a bottle of water from one of his bags.

"Anyways lets just go and get some breakfast ok." I grabbed my wallet and headed for the door and smiled at Duo as I grabbed the door knob.

"You paying?" he asked throwing some clothes in a bag and lugging it over his shoulder.

"Of course Duo, of course." we left the room and had breakfast.

He got me to wear pink

* * *

A/N: Well things never go as planed so um.....next update will be when it happens. 


	6. Old Love

Notes: Duo's point of view

Old Love

We spent so much time together it was inevitable that old feelings would come flooding back. It's making me so angry knowing that flame will always burn. When will I get over, god when will I ever learn? I can feel his by body while I'm lying in bed. And when I'm at work there's so much confusion running through my head that I can't get anything done. God, who knew that once I got back to my house life would seem so dull. My phone started to ring and immediately I got off my couch and dove for the phone.

"Trowa! I mean hello?"

"Duo, I thought you finally got over Trowa." damn it stupid Heero.

"Uh.....yeah. So what's up?" I take it the usual.

"Well I figured, maybe you'd like to go out tonight and do something together. We can go see a movie and then go and get something to eat while you tell me about everything you did on your little trip."

"Cut the crap if you want to fuck just say so!" I really shouldn't yell at him it's the sad type of relationship we built together.

"Duo is something wrong?" he sounded genuinely concerned it surprised me.

"I really don't know Heero. I mean I ran into Trowa on my trip, actually it turns out we were going to the same place at the same time on the same plane. We ended up at the same hotel and we shared a room because he accidentally booked it for a later time."

"Sounds like something you would do." I could hear him opening something.

"I know."

"So what went wrong?" I could hear him eating over the phone.

"Nothing, that's what!" I yelled.

"I don't understand, Duo, that doesn't make any sense." he started drinking something I could hear him gulping down something.

"Damn it now I'm hungry Heero!" my stomach growled.

"You always act like this when you don't eat anything. Like I said why don't we go get something to eat and I promise I wont expect anything." well that would be the first, but I'm happy that he's considering my feelings in such a way.

"Fine I'll meet you at the nearest Carl's Jr." maybe it would be best if I told Trowa. I wonder if Trowa's thinking of me right now.

XXX

"Duo there was nothing wrong with you. Trowa gave up a good thing without thinking about the repercussions."

"You mean the girl would actually be as fake as her smile."

"He had no idea she would be such a psycho bitch."

"You're not taking someone's side are you? Besides, what makes her a psycho bitch sans the fact that she tried to hit Trowa with her expensive car?" I slurped purposely on my Dr. Slice.

"She came into my office ranting about how men are stupid and how she didn't understand how I was interested in them wait.........she tried to hit Trowa with her car?"

"Yeah funny thing huh?" I said as I ate some of my fries.

"Funny, she almost hit me!" a jolt went threw my entire body and Heero's eyes widened which indicated that I wasn't delusional.

"Hey Trowa" I glared at Heero for his casual attitude towards this turn of events.

"Heero." he nodded and then looked directly at me.

"So uh what are ya doing here Tro?" I asked nervously laughing while shoving more fries into my mouth.

"I'm here to renovate the kitchen, no, why else would I be here I'm hungry, but first I need to use the rest room so excuse me for a second." I always hated his sarcasm. He smiled and walked over to where the bathrooms were and went in.

"That was unexpected." said Heero sipping his drink and putting it back down.

"My ass it was unexpected there's got to be some unknown force out there torturing me or something I just know it."

"Duo for once, shove it." I promptly threw a fry at him which he surprisingly caught in his mouth and then smiled at me, the bastard.

"Heaven help me." I mumbled from behind my hamburger.

"Look at it this way it's fate Duo." he leaned back against the booth and picked up his soda and took a long drag from it.

"How's it fate?!" I was practically yelling.

"Calm down Duo. Look at it this way if it wasn't meant to be why or how is it that you both ended up on the same plane sitting right next to each other or in the same hotel for that matter?"

"I hate you and your so called sense of logic." I bit into my hamburger, God hates me I just know it.

"You guys mind if I sit with you?" asked Trowa standing by the table he looked so good in his smoky-gray turtle neck and black pants.

"I don't if Duo doesn't." damn you Heero don't make him stare at me!

"Sure why not." oh God. Trowa went to go and order something to eat.

"Now's your chance." said Heero getting up and grabbing his tray.

"My chance for what!?"

"To get him back you idiot!" hissed Heero dumping his tray of trash and placing his tray on the rack above.

"What do I do?!" I'm so panicked and I have no idea why. Why was Heero even doing this he liked having me around the way he wanted.

"Hit on him, complement him, tell him his eyes look nice, in fact, tell him how good his ass looks in those pants." he grabbed his coat and put it on.

"Heero!" I couldn't believe he just said that.

"What its true." he stuck his tongue out at me. Then Trowa showed up at the table.

"I hope you're not leaving because of me." said Trowa putting his food down as he sat down in the booth.

"No actually I have a dead-line due before the break of dawn and you know how the boss is."

"Get it done or I'll crack your nuts or something like that if I'm not mistaken."

"Right." said Heero heading away from the table.

"Yeah well good luck!" called Trowa over his shoulder.

"Bye!" I hate him I hate him.

"So why'd he really leave in a hurry?" asked Trowa opening his spicy chicken sandwich and taking a large bite.

"Hell if I know." I shrugged it off and started the task of finishing off my fries.

"So I have a nice ass?" I looked up and Trowa had a smile on his face his right eyebrow was arched high and I couldn't help but laugh.

XXX

After we finished eating we ended up at the movies we threw popcorn at the couple making out in the row in front of us, we got kicked out then went drinking. Right now he's passed out on my bed snoring. I never expected him to come back into my life not like this at least.

I sat down on my couch and started up at the blue ceiling. I never noticed before that if you stare at something long enough without blinking shapes will seem to manifest out of nowhere. I don't know how long I kept my eyes open but I started to see Trowa everywhere I looked. Right above me, on the carpet below under my table, the couch I was laying on, and I could even see him standing in my hallway.

"I can see your face, but I know that it's not real it's just an illusion caused by how I use to feel."

"You're strange Duo."

"Old love, leave me alone." I mumbled.

"Duo?"

"Old love, go on home." I heard myself growl out.

"Duo dude snap out of it." suddenly there was a hand in front of my face.

"Ahh! Holy shit Tro what the hell..!"

"I have to ask, Duo, how long you have been doing that?" he sat down next to me on the couch.

"What?"

"Talk to yourself."

"Oh god what was I saying?" I hate it when I do that, completely space out I mean.

"Nothing really, so what are you still doing up? I hope it wasn't because of me I didn't mean to pass out like that. You should have just shoved me off the bed." he ran his right hand threw his long bangs, oh how I loved it when he'd do that.

"No I just couldn't sleep is all." I sat up right on the couch and leaned on the armrest.

"Hmm"

"Do you want to spend the night?" I asked.

"I guess, I mean I'm already here." he looked at me and smiled. I bit my lower lip I really need to stop that.

"Stop doing that it's a bad habit." I looked at him curiously.

"What?" he moved a little closer to me, so close that I could feel his warm breath against my cheek.

"Biting your lip." he whispered.

"Trowa?" my voice was so low I wasn't sure if he heard me.

"Hmm?" he leaned in a little more.

"Kiss me."

"Anything you want."

He leaned in the rest of the way and had my face cupped in his hands, it felt so good to feel his touch again in this way.

XXX

A/N: Wow that was fast! Please Review!!! And please if you life this fic go read one of my other Duo & Trowa paired fic's and review them. I get sad every time I check my e-mail only to find it empty. I know it doesn't mean no ones reading it, but it's still nice to see I've got mail.

Well till next time bye.


	7. Bliss

Notes: Trowa's point of view

Bliss

Everything is great and everythings fine I've never felt this perfect in my life. We ended up eventually getting off the couch. Slowly we made our way to his bedroom kissing the entire way never letting each other lose contact between us. We bumped into the bed and when we landed on it. We heard a loud reverberating sound make its way throughout the entire house.

"There go the springs." said Duo finally coming up for air but also laughing as he spoke. I merely shrugged and lay back against the mattress panting for air.

"It can be replaced." I closed my eyes for a brief second and when I opened them I could see dark amethyst in front of me.

"Good point." said Duo then he moved over on top of me and straddled my waist.

"I never thought we'd end up here." I looked directly into Duo's beautiful eyes and he siged.

"We're never where we want to be, that's okay with me, that's just the way it is." said Duo leaning his head against my chest and changing positions so that he was laying on top of me.

"It feels like make believe to know that you're my history." he's made up all parts of me I can't believe it took this long to realize.

"I know." said Duo soundly strangely nostalgic.

"I love you Duo." the words were more real than they had ever been before in my life.

"Me too Tro." he let his fingers play with a few strands of my hair. He tilted his head up and lightly kissed what little of my neck was showing I could feel his fingers curl slightly below my ear. I always loved how that felt.

"You know, your touch is electric. I felt it the first time you held me, the way we connected so easily." he lightly sucked on my neck then licked and nibbled on my earlobe.

"Really?" said Duo slightly amused by my confession.

"Yeah, I've tried to define it, searched for the perfect phrase. I've tried to describe it in a million different ways. A few things that come to mind were: its joy, its ecstasy, its truth, its destiny, but even love is not enough to tell you how you make me feel, there's only one word for this." I looked over at Duo which was slightly difficult.

"I've got to admit it you took my heart by surprise. I don't know how you did it, but I've never felt so alive." said Duo sitting up and leaning against the head board. I lifted my head up in his direction and smiled.

"Duo, you ever wonder what's going to happen when things go like this."

"I know what the future holds as long as you're here with me." I looked at his face from my position it held such trust. I idly thought: its faith, its honesty, its life, it's everything. To say "I love you" 's not enough to tell you how you make me feel. I moved so that I was sitting upright and next to Duo.

"I want to find myself in your arms when I wake up." said Duo leaning against my shoulder and closing his eyes. "Tangled in your limbs my skin pressed against your skin. I want to be one with you again Trowa, will you let me?"

Last time he said that was the first time we...... "Anything for you Duo, this is my apology to you." I leaned over and kissed him gently, but what started as a simple kiss turned into need and passion. This is what I had been missing in my life and it was obvious that it was the same for Duo.

Duo was the breath of fresh air I had been trying to acquire in the room I had shut myself in. He saved me from suffocating myself and yet I was also his lifeline as well. It's a shame how times have changed, but it's also strange how lifelines stay the same. He had been holding onto memories and so had I only his was in the form of a photo album. We strive for perfection in a world where it doesn't exist. Or that's what we're told, but I found perfection it's right here in front of me, in Duo.

"If forgiveness it what you're looking for then take off that freaking turtle neck it's starting to piss me off!" I started to laugh; he never did like my choice of shirts especially when it came to taking them off of me. If it didn't unbutton it wasn't worth wearing.

"Patience is a virtue Duo." I slid my hands under the hem of my turtle neck then lifted the shirt over my head messing up my already bedraggled hair. "better?"

"Much." purred Duo leaning over and kissing me. His hands slid down my chest causing sparks to shoot throughout my body. He rested his hand on my hip and let his fingers trace the delicate skin just beneath the waist band of my pants.

"That feels good." I slid my hand up and down his back under his shirt.

"So does that, now, do me a favor and take my shirt off for me K?" said Duo with a huge smile on his face. I slid my hands up his shirt and the shirt lifted and then I pulled it up over his head careful not to pull on his long braid. I tossed his shirt on the side of the bed and ran my hand down his braid toying with the band that kept it tied.

"Can I?" I always had a habit of asking if I could undo it.

"You always ask and every time I give you the same answer Trowa." we were now laying on our sides and I started to kiss his neck made a trail down to his chest I let my tongue over his right nipple and I could hear him hiss out in pleasure.

"I think I'll wait I don't want to end up pulling out strands like that one time."

"Ouch I remember that I'm still trying to get over the pain." he rubbed his head. I hadn't realized it before but Duo sounded so sad when we were out in the living room. The look that had been on his face had made my heart hurt. I'm still not too sure about why, but after he asked me to kiss him he seemed to change in attitude completely. Whatever had been running threw his mind seemed to have disappeared.

"Duo?"

"What?" he asked as he threw his socks over by the bathroom then he somehow managed to take my shoes off without untying them then pulled my socks off.

"Duo I hate it when,"

"You're weird, Trowa, you never take your socks off, even when we're having sex."

"Oh my God Duo don't talk about my sexual habits!" I hated it when he ever mentioned what I'd do in bed.

"You don't have to be embarrassed I mean come on we," I didn't let him finish too afraid of what he'd say.

"I don't like where this conversation is going besides I wanted to ask you something." I was covering my face hoping that my face wasn't as red as I thought it was.

"Well ask and just so you know I can still see the blush your trying to hide because it's making it's way down your neck and even your ears are red." my face felt hot.

"I just wanted to know what was making you so sad earlier when you were out in the living room." Duo pulled my hands off from over my face.

"To be honest, it was the fact that you were here back in my life and I didn't know what I should do."

"What do ya mean?" he pulled me up and we were both sitting on the bed facing each other. He pulled me to him and wrapped his arms around me. I could hear his heart beating and I could feel the heat radiating from his body.

"Well you see when we were at Carl's Jr. Heero and I before you got there we were talking about what was "wrong" with me. I told him about how we met up on our little trip to Cali and how you were all I could think about afterwards. I was so fucking pissed because I thought I was over you, but I mean how could I be after everything we did in Cali or even before that? Life had seemed so perfect when we had been together, didn't it? I mean it wasn't the same when I was with Heero. In the end I think the only reason I had even continued to sleep with him was because I was lonely."

"Very lonely." I said.

"Oh shove it! Besides, in a way Heero was the only piece of you I had left, if that makes sense." he closed his eyes briefly and took a deep breath.

"Perfect sense." I whispered as I brushed back his bangs and kissed him.

"I love it when we're this way I don't ever want it to change ever." he continued to kiss me and his hand found itself undoing my pants.

"Me either." I whispered into his ear

"God." whispered Duo raggedly as we deepened the kiss.

"I guess I'll let it slip for just this once."

"What?" whispered Duo somehow managing to pull off my pants with little to no effort.

"The sock thing." I mumbled from behind his lips and helped him shimmy out of his pants never once breaking the kiss. He laughed and let his hands roam my entire body from top to bottom. His legs kept brushing against my thighs and I could feel how soft his skin was against mine. I could feel my toes curl at the heated contact between us.

I let him play seme to my uke the entire night. He always did like it that way anyhow and who was I to deny it to him now. He was urgent to please and be pleased. It seemed to go on for hours and I was sure I'd see dawn soon. I ran my fingers threw his hair which had been taken down shortly after we had just finished. I had my arm around his shoulder and he was partly laying on top of me with his right arm resting on my chest. I could feel his steady breathing and his heart beating the rhythm of both set me at ease with myself.

This is what I had been missing I knew it had to be the same with Duo too. Even when we had spent time together in California he seemed tense when he slept, but now he seemed so relaxed and comfortable laying here in my arms. Nothing would or could ever tear him apart from me now I would never let that happen again.

I looked at his sleeping face and smiled.

"It's in your smile, in your kiss it's the reason that I exist there's only one word for this it's bliss." I whispered and Duo seemed to hold on tighter to me and we fell asleep like that.

END

* * *

A/N: Well that's it, so say? Do you think that was good yes or no? Anywho, hopefully I'll be able to finish each fic that's still incomplete, one at a time. 

I have so much I need to finish and I just keep creating new fic's without ever finishing the others in an orderly fashion. So from now on I'm just gonna keep all the ones I create at "spur of the moment" to myself until a more appropriate time.

If you enjoyed this fic go on and read some of my other 2x3/3x2 fic's!

A/N continued: Just for those of you who are still reading this all the chapter titles came from John Mayer songs. In fact some of the things the characters say are part of the songs. If ya ever get curious you can e-mail me and i'll send you the lyrics!

Well that's all bye!


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